Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Ice Skating
Unsteady, wobbling, I step out onto the ice on skates for the first time in five years, slipping, sliding, falling, but soon the lure of speed is too great. Any chafes on my legs are forgotten, along with all soreness and any ideas that I didn't know how to skate. I remove my heavy and encumbering jacket, hat and gloves, step back onto the ice, and fly, the pure euphoria of speed, breaking free of the concept of gravity, and discover the exhilaration of taking wing and soaring over the ice.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I really like the beginning of this paragraph. It's neat how you created such a good response, even though it is quite short.
ReplyDeleteI like how you refer to flight and then carry through with the imagery. Watch your tense changes and overuse of appositives.
ReplyDeleteI agree with write on about the tense changes, where you start in present and then go to "I didn't know how to skate", but I thought after that you recovered great. The last sentance just flew along and moved quickely, almost like I was skating. It did a good job to capture that adreneline feeling of speed, which I realted to pretty well actually. One more thing on a technical standpoint, though, I didn't think that the exclamation point really fit the mood, but yet again I haven't used an exclamation in my writing for a while so maybe it's just me. But I loved the whole feeling of the will for speed just overwhelming everything else. Nice response.
ReplyDeleteI have to say that all those feelings about skating are so true(I've taken lessons for 3 years and now help teach). At the end, I have to agree, you do really get the reader to feel like they are skating on the ice. Good Job!
ReplyDelete